foolish heart

Today is my big brother's birthday. He is 28. I wish I could give him a hug and tell him how much I love him. Imagine the brightest, happiest, cutest kid with big soft curls with the widest whitest smile you've ever seen. Every picture gleams from his toothy smile-- alarmingly big and full of life.

I hear his voice. I crave his brotherly love and I miss showing him my sisterly admiration. I daydream that he has the ability to come over... share a laugh or two before leaving to go do incredible things that he finds refuge in.  All I've ever wanted for him was solidarity, happiness, contentment.  Letters aren't able to express to him the degree of my love, concern or unconditional affection for him as a human being, and my big brother.

Years will pass before I see him as a free man. I cry for that single fact of life. His writings are what I have right now. I treasure our memories, his letters and the images my mind retains from the past of his spirited eyes, white smile, lively laugh.  My hope now is to remain in his life, praying for his peace of mind and soul, awareness of how much he means to me.  Thank God for his life, the memories in my head and for second chances.  Happy Birthday.