13 years of mourning
September 11, 2001 began like any other day. Crowned Miss Teen USA 2001 on August 29, 2001 and moving my college-bound 18 year-old self to the big apple still had my head spinning. Residing off of the West Side Highway and the Hudson River, there was nothing further towards the water than our luxury apartment that faced New Jersey and my bedroom being the fishbowl that it was also faced towards the tip of Manhattan where the World Trade Center buildings stood. My phone rang that morning and my Aunt Cathy was seemingly restless on the other end of the line. It was hard to make out what she was saying as sirens filled my bedroom, our apartment, and I was overwhelmed by the heightened sense of panic the ambulances racing down the West Side Highway had created in our small apartment.
The day unfolded and we sat glued to our television sets like we weren't 60 blocks away from the place whose images and video were being watched worldwide. It was like a horrible movie that you couldn't turn off, pause or rewind. In one instant, people were changed. Each of us were changed in our own way-- individual and complex. This very change brought a new energy to New York City. Pure shock and utter dismay for the happenings of the day led to something unbelievably special. People were kind. Genuinely and completely. No questions asked, the people of New York were bonded by their sadness, grief, and otherwise need to do good for someone. We all needed to do something. Something. Anything. People were generous in spirit and humane in their daily engagements with others. It was immediate and the change felt like one good thing that came from such deep loss and tragedy.
I served food for the iron and rescue workers down at Ground Zero. I filled orders at the Red Cross down the street from my apartment. I volunteered my time and energy because that is what I could do. I hadn't lost anyone that morning. I hadn't even been to see the World Trade Center yet since moving to New York some two weeks earlier. But in that short time I felt like a New Yorker. I felt their loss. I had felt my share of loss and could empathize as we all could with those who said goodbye to their loved ones that morning that started like any other day and turned into the worst day of their lives. It's hard to put into words all that I feel when I hear the date, see images of the burning buildings and even think about my time I spent in New York City.
A scrapbook of memories is what I have now. I have artwork from 3rd graders that depict what they will never forget from September 11th. Pictures of burning buildings, ambulances next to them, bubbles with "HELP!" inside of them coming from the side of the building. American flags and people flying next to the tall buildings as if they were birds. These are part of my memories. Just as the stories from iron and rescue workers who found the last survivor, a cat who had a litter of kittens amidst the rubble, the images of Ground Zero aerially and seeing "The Sanctuary" where stranded rescue workers slept and otherwise lived for weeks at a time on 12-hour shifts to try and put the hot spots out at Ground Zero. Ground Zero. That's a whole other memory. The smell of burnt everything mixed with the sounds of cutting metal and the smoke and smog from the aftermath. Upon entering and exiting your car had to be sprayed and you weren't able to breath the air.
Nothing can make it right. Nothing makes it easier for those who lost those they loved more than anything in the world. Nothing aids in the intense feeling of loss or the grieving those men, women and children still have to survive. But that's just it. They survived 9/11. They made it, still breathing for those they lost. Breathing life into the city that was dealt such a dark act of hate that day in September. Life goes on, days run by and people's lives continue. 13 years seems like such a long time but in actuality, it is a day that will always seem like just yesterday. A yesterday that changed us all forever. It's impossible to forget such a day, no matter where you were. You remember exactly where you were, what you were in the middle of and how the day unfolded for you. My title was forever changed by the events and gave me a greater purpose than even I could imagine. My year in New York City profoundly changed my life but 9/11 shaped me in an entirely different way. Generosity, kindness, love and selflessness were the aftermath and 13 years later, we are a country still trying to make sense of it all. God Bless.
